enamouredjaded’s blog

From FFO friends...

In 1893, Henry Ziegland ended a relationship with his girlfriend.

 

Tragically, his girlfriend took the news very badly, became distraught and took her own life.

 

Her distressed brother blamed his sister's death upon Henry, he went round to Henry's house, saw him out in the garden and tried to shoot him.

 

Luckily, the bullet only grazed Henry's face and embedded itself in a nearby tree.

 

In 1913, twenty years after this incident, Henry decided to use dynamite to uproot a tree in his garden. The explosion propelled the embedded bullet from the tree straight into Henry Ziegland's head - killing him immediately.

Another FFO best!

A computer error gave two women in America called Patricia the same social security number. When the two women were brought together in an office to rectify the blunder they discovered that

    *

      They had both been born with the names Patricia Ann Campbell

    *

      Both of their fathers were called Robert Campbell

    *

      Their birthdays were on 13th March 1941

    *

      They had both married military men in the year 1959 (within eleven days of each other)

    *

      They each had two children aged 19 and 21

    *

      They both had an interest in oil painting

    *

      Both had studied cosmetics

    *

      Both had worked as book-keepers

A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.

Week 1

Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3

Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.

Week 6

Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8

Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9

Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14

Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18

Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20

Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued

This one is good from FFO

We have 3 stupid stages of life………..

 

 

Teen age:

Have Time + Energy …but No Money

Working Age:

 

Have Money + Energy …but No Time

Old age:

 

Have Time + Money …but no Energy

Just wanted to put a smile on your face...........




BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me...


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??


GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple



GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??



BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??



BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??



SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning

kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the

cigarette out of his mouth.



MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.



WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear

and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both

ears and comes out of the mouth.




MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What

do u think,

Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.




1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and

no one else ?"

Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again

yesterday".



2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun

or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need

it but the sun gives us light only in the day time

when we don't need it".




3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on

talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".




4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"




5) My father is so old that when he was in school,

history was called current affairs.




6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father

is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".




7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father

that I've failed?"

David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,

past year's performance repeated".




8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a

donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be

showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".




9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say

prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good

cook".




10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering

doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show

that nine out of ten people die of the disease you

have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others

all died".




11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of

COINCIDENCE? "

One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married

on the same day and at the same time."




12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped

down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Let us see who is in love....



IT'S TRUE!!!!

12 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

TWELVE:
You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.

ELEVEN:
You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.

TEN:
You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away.

NINE:
You smile when you hear his/her voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.

SIX:
He/She is everything you want to think.

FIVE:
You realise that you smile every time you look at him/her.

FOUR:
You would do anything to see him/her.

THREE:
While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.

TWO:
You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.

ONE:
You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.

NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST.......

In the picture, just look at their condition..

No place to sleep, still they have   made some space for birds, hen, cat and dog.....etc

Water poring from the roof but still, each 1 of them have a peaceful smile on their face..

Simply Amazing !!!!!

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems,
but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.


Keep Smiling Always.

God created the donkey


and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.size=6>
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

Finally God created man...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Fourth Place :

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Third Place :
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. 
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. 
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. 
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.  He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife co uld see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what20happened? '

'I got fired.'
'No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said.  'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered.  'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly r eplied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.   'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
============ ========= ========= ========= ========


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.